About This Space

Breonna, Ahmaud, George, Elijah, D’Ovion[1]

To D’Ovion: 

          the social worker and i, we took the time to find Your wallet to retrieve 

      Your ID and give You Your name back

                                    You were a “John Doe” with nearly ten wounds (that we could see), 

                                                 although the news said “a single shot” was fired…

                                                 a tactical maneuver used i haven’t seen since Iraq
                           The pager announced…lied about Your age before they bought You in,“GSW [2], 

                                                                man in his 30s…then 20s.” 
                           Your ID that no one took the time to find said You’d just turned 19, barely legal
                                                i’m sorry i couldn’t stop them from learning on You

It was disrespectful to You

You couldn’t consent nor could i or any family for You

we tried to call Your mother

i updated Your name in the chart, covered Your feet where they left them in the open, covered Your unethically opened chest

i pray You peace

i won’t forget

i pray me peace

i won’t forget

i pray us peace

---

[1] Denver 7 News

[2] Gunshot wound

In early 2020 ...

    I crashed and burned out by way of a s*icide attempt - my body felt depleted of every ounce of my soul and up until that point in my life, I'd been taught to diligently push push push--particularly as a Black woman, many are depending on you. I'm spiritually expansive and gender expansive, that is my beautiful truth, but this was before I knew my truth and accepted it as so, having lived as the world forced me instead of how my soul led me. For every time I lived how my soul led me, there was societal consequence and harm. During my time at seminary in 2015, learning about societal oppressions violently woke me up from a peaceful oblivious "safe enough" assimilating slumber. But it was in 2020, like the gentle ram when it is time to go to slaughter, that I allowed myself to be walked humbly to death. There was nowhere else to turn, and I had no more energy to keep running away. It was time to "turn myself in" to a world of reality. 

This site will be about ...

    The journey of that, the grief I'm still holding onto, the processing and memorials I need to have for the parts of me that are ready to be let go of. The celebrations and welcoming of parts of me that are becoming. I'm also preparing a memoirette to be published as well as looking to participate in grief "doula" trainings this year so stay tuned as I write of these endeavors and milestones. I thank you for wanting to follow along. The Dwennimmen Ethos (meaning "strength without the balance of humility is like a tree without roots) is for you if you wish to be ready to fall into a more authentically engaging and liberating life (after metaphorical death). One does not need to wait until all hell has broken loose or they've hit "rock bottom" as they say, to begin to explore a rejuvenated and recuperated life based on spiritual alignment and integrity. 

I'm sorry...

    For the (continued) state violence that persists in the United States and that people are hurting and continue to lose their lives. For those yet awake - we're here to receive you - Keep waking up. Keep waking up. Thank you for following along and thank you for your support. 

I wish you wellness, warmth, and until reality peace prevails...internal peace,
- xy&